some things never change.

 I guess it's somewhat true when people say that you can never truly change a person.  I haven't changed much over the past years--my hair, clothes, weight, is pretty much the same. I find myself wearing the same outfit I wore almost 10 years ago. But...seriously, I find that I'm pretty much in the same state as my previous entries written years ago -- my forever-unrelenting status -- striving to be more spiritually disciplined--and having never truly perfected the art.

Konstantin and I have started hosting an introductory course for those who are interested in the Christian faith. This week the topic was, Why Should I Read the Bible. Yikes, I've been a Christian for, what, 20+ years and have I been reading the Bible?...heh...um...Luckily 3 days prior I had just returned from the US and was suffering jet lag and waking up at 5am--and yes I started 2 days worth of Bible reading! score....but really I was just lucky there...and not sure if 2 days is worthy of the label, sustainable habit. And so now I write this entry, in hope of making a goal for myself, in hope that writing here will help me keep accountable to...me...and perhaps to those if any that read this.

My deepest desire has always been to be a servant of God, despite what my lifestyle may appear to be. Sometimes I get lost in the world, the lust of things, the desire to be praise-worthy--that I forget what I really long for.  In my occupation I find myself shmoozing with the brilliant, the wealthy--people who make ridiculous salaries in the financial industry. I meet people who tell me--"Oh? You're from Boston?--I was there for a few years. I went to Harvard."...or MIT..."and you?" --knee kick...
ha...do I really care what they think of me? Actually I do. I want to go get my Masters at a prestigious school so that I can keep my chin up and reply, "Oh yes, I was there too.." haha. But really, deeply, sincerely, my heart is not there. My call is not to be the CFO of a company or an investment professional wearing a business suit. I'm just a humble servant wearing the occasional costume that provides me with the opportunity to live and be in China--to serve the people here, to serve the God I love.