happening. love is won.

This past Saturday, I was involved in a young man’s plot to propose to his girlfriend. He planned to bring his girlfriend to the restaurant I sing and play at every Saturday night. It was their 4 year anniversary. I “surprised” them by announcing their anniversary and dedicating a song to them–I sang and played the song ”爱很简单” “Love is Simple” on the piano–when I finished I invited them to the stage to share about their 4 years. The guy got up and started sharing in Chinese how it was so uncommon for a Zhangjiang guy like him to have such a beautiful girlfriend–and how they met in college–and listing off all these other wonderful qualities about her. After speaking for some time he got down on his knee with a ring box in hand while saying something to the effect of “all these thing, this is why now I’d like to ask you now to marry me. 我们永远不要分开好吗? Let’s stay together forever.” The restaurant was clapping and she took the mic in her hand, wiping the tears from her eyes and said in English, “Yes, I do.”

I started playing the piano again softly, singing the song I had been playing earlier. “I love you, say we’re together baby, say we’re together. I love you 一着在爱你, 一着在爱你. I love you一着不愿意，失去你.”

Commentary on marraige—from an unmarried person:

爱 is the Chinese word for love. 爱情 is the Chinese phrase for the love between a guy and girl–it’s the kind of love that implies a guy/girl relationship.

I believe that ideally 爱情 is something that is fought for–it is something won. If that young man proposing didn’t persist in treating his girlfriend with such adoration over the 4 years and if he didn’t get on his knee, present a ring, say those sweet things, express how he really felt about her–his beautiful girlfriend may have hesitated. Jacob fought 7 years to win Rachel, then, worked another 7 years to finally receive her as his wife. He was proving to Rachel’s father, that he was willing to wait and work for her.

There is something beautiful about an 爱情that is fought for. I also believe that ideally 爱情 is something that needs to be continually fought for within marraiges. My friend had said yesterday, the dating relationship is the best–but then it goes down hill after marraige, no more flowers and sweet talk. I disagreed. I told her my dad still buys my mom flowers and takes her out on dates. They go for walks together and pray together each morning. I believe in a relationship even after 30 years, you can fight against the idea of things getting old, the idea that your spouse is an annoyance or not exciting anymore, you need to fight for that 爱情.

Maybe this sounds like a depiction of the influence of cultural media and love as told in fairy tales/movies/novels, but I think the difference is that our culture will tell us that when you fall in love with a person you pursue them–until you fall out of love, or fall in love with someone else. On the contrary, the idea that “love is fought for”, means that it requires effort–and continued effort–even after the fuzzy feelings are gone. We love because Gd first loved; Gd’s love is unconditional, and so we learn from his example–to give good gifts, to give up our life/time/comfort, to forgive endlessly, to show kindness, patience, compassion, trust, etc.

To sum this up, 爱情 is a wonderful thing–a gift from Gd, it grows if we water it, so I’d like to wish all my married friends and the bunch about to be married to be encouraged to together, with Gd as your strength and example, to fight to grow your 爱情.