shocking: indecisive girl makes a decisive decision.

I submitted the form and checked the box. I will be staying in China another year. ...

Yesterday, after feeling deflated from another afternoon of control-less time with my homeroom class, I regretted my decision to stay. Am I really cut out for this stress? The main problem is I have to fight my natural personality of over-laidbackness and be more strict. Can you fight the personality you've been born with-- everyday in a job?

I made my way to Thursday night Bible study after a discouraging afternoon with my students--knowing that guiltily I would go to the study for free food and space out during the study. And I felt all the more deflated. I brought my guitar to accompany, but the woman leading the singing would never sing in the key I played so I'd have to find the key and play by ear. Can I live like this? Feeling bad at work and then feeling bad at Bible studies? I need more excitement and life. My reason for staying is to make Chinese friends and learn to speak Chinese...and not this.--not to teach American/international spoiled children and not to hang out with 50+ year old Caucasians.

During the study, I journaled in my black leather planner, asking God to bless my decision to stay and bless my goals.

God answered. Instantly.

Four new people came in late to the Bible study. They were young Chinese professionals--recent grads. They're English was so-so. After the study, I was being a bit shy, but they started talking to me. I chose to walk with them to the gate and the whole group of us were chatting away like college friends--laughing, talking and joking--switching back and forth between English and Chinese. I had never felt so much joy since being in China. I had never wanted so badly to be friends with people and felt like there was a click. It was the feeling of being at home with Empower college/young adults. It was the first time...I believe...that people wanted, really wanted, to be my friends. It was the first time I had met Chinese people and exchanged contact info. I promised guitar lessons to a guy named Tim in exchange for Chinese lessons. I hope it works out because I'm stoked.