Goodness, sometimes it's the littlest things that can brighten up your day. Today it was reading the journal of one of my fifth graders.
This fifth grader is one of the best dressed boys in the fifth grade.
This is his journal entry:
Love!
Love is an adult word but it also occur in children. I love Emilyas many (or every) of my friend knew that I like Emily Hu and I have a sheet gossiping of the couples'places that they've won. Jack and Martina are the first place andEmily and I got 2nd place. Of course, it is a fake rumor and noone except for Jack knows.
HAaha. O man. This explains a lot. I just realized that they sit next to each other...I wonder who planned this.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Monday, November 26, 2007
fa piao.
I'm not sure if there's a good reason for the title for this entry, but as I opened this create-a-new-post-window I carefully unwrinkled a receipt for cell phone minutes. We collect all our receipts / fa piao's and tape them to sheets of paper and send it to HR to have our taxes reduced. It's funny how it works here. At home in the U.S. we get tax reductions for giving donations, and here we get tax deductions for spending on ourselves.
Thanksgiving.
There really are so many things to be thankful for. I know sometimes it's easy for me to look at what I lack...to feel the twangs of emptiness and envy toward those who have close family or significant others nearby. It's on the holidays when I feel it the most...the nostalgia. I seriously love my family too much...I'm madly in love with my family. At the same time, I rarely talk to them. When I do, it's as if we never parted...because I rush them and dismiss their sentiments unconscientiously. Only my family really knows the horrid sort of person that I am.
Anyhow, I've gotten off topic. I wanted to say that as much as I thought I didn't have anything great or significant to be thankful for other than the cliche food, shelter, and clothing, God sorta threw something at me in order to make me praise and thank him for who he is.
As I walked into the apartment for the churchy people Thanksgiving dinner, I tried hard not to let disappointment show on my face as I looked about at the unfamiliar faces of those who seemed old...or rather older than me. Then I spotted a familiar man, my brain registered the face but not a name. This was the Chinese man who I shared the reason for my faith in Christ with. This was the guy who knew nothing about Christ and wanted to know why I believed. This was the very guy that listened intently to every word that I said and read a Chinese book about Christianity that I had given him. I hadn't seen him since August, and here he was at a Christian Thanksgiving gathering. Later in the evening I approached him and asked him who invited him. With his broken English he told me who invited him, then he proceeded to thank me for the book I had given him and that he had started reading the Bible with some Christian friends. Gosh......that was sorta really neat. I really think he's been searching...and he's on the brink of accepting this faith. And I feel like somehow I was a little piece of this puzzle in building this bridge between him and God--somehow it gives some significance to my seemingly meaningless not so significant humdrum life. I exaggerate...but still it felt like a blessing to witness and a blessing worth thanking god for.
mm. thank you god. because truly. you're good.
Thanksgiving.
There really are so many things to be thankful for. I know sometimes it's easy for me to look at what I lack...to feel the twangs of emptiness and envy toward those who have close family or significant others nearby. It's on the holidays when I feel it the most...the nostalgia. I seriously love my family too much...I'm madly in love with my family. At the same time, I rarely talk to them. When I do, it's as if we never parted...because I rush them and dismiss their sentiments unconscientiously. Only my family really knows the horrid sort of person that I am.
Anyhow, I've gotten off topic. I wanted to say that as much as I thought I didn't have anything great or significant to be thankful for other than the cliche food, shelter, and clothing, God sorta threw something at me in order to make me praise and thank him for who he is.
As I walked into the apartment for the churchy people Thanksgiving dinner, I tried hard not to let disappointment show on my face as I looked about at the unfamiliar faces of those who seemed old...or rather older than me. Then I spotted a familiar man, my brain registered the face but not a name. This was the Chinese man who I shared the reason for my faith in Christ with. This was the guy who knew nothing about Christ and wanted to know why I believed. This was the very guy that listened intently to every word that I said and read a Chinese book about Christianity that I had given him. I hadn't seen him since August, and here he was at a Christian Thanksgiving gathering. Later in the evening I approached him and asked him who invited him. With his broken English he told me who invited him, then he proceeded to thank me for the book I had given him and that he had started reading the Bible with some Christian friends. Gosh......that was sorta really neat. I really think he's been searching...and he's on the brink of accepting this faith. And I feel like somehow I was a little piece of this puzzle in building this bridge between him and God--somehow it gives some significance to my seemingly meaningless not so significant humdrum life. I exaggerate...but still it felt like a blessing to witness and a blessing worth thanking god for.
mm. thank you god. because truly. you're good.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
thoughts and thing of the sort.
[thoughts].
My mind is swimming. I'm uncertain, unclear of what is wrong with me or the state I'm in. There is something empty or thoughtless in how I live. I lack discipline and clear purpose right now. More and more my personality is hardening...not in a cold sense but hardening like cementing into what it simply is. A number of time and years had been spent in attempt to mold and change what I was. I thought I could change who I was. I can't...or not really. I revert to the me who has and ever will be me. I hate that the me who is me is awkward. I can't talk to people I really want to get to know, and I cling to people who simply make me feel less awkward. There are certain people I admire...I can never know them, because perhaps I fear them. They trigger my uncertainty of self...and as awkwardly as I express my affection...it doesn't really show.
I'm quiet. I'm introverted. I really don't know how to build friendships and bridges with people that fate doesn't throw into my path--an inescapable pathway.
Will it change ever?
Currently I'm leading a small group of junior high girls and I feel horribly about it. I really don't know how to connect with them...I'm awkward though I shouldn't be. I'm the adult...but why do I feel like the awkward quiet seventh grader. I just never know what to say.
Yesterday I had a friend from Beijing come crash my place along with four other friends. They are wonderful...and I am wonderfully awkward. Not only do I not really know them...but I simply don't know how to contribute to conversation in general. They are wonderful outgoing people...what do I have to say to them? I don't know...because I have no experience in this. I run out of questions...my brain is slow. My mind is always going...but always thinks that none of the streams of thought are conversation appropriate. I'm overly mellow. I'm not very exciting. Actually these friends are still here and I've secluded myself in my room because I found myself awkwardly sitting there with nothing to say.
Er. awkward
the inescapable pathway?
[la musica]
My mind is swimming. I'm uncertain, unclear of what is wrong with me or the state I'm in. There is something empty or thoughtless in how I live. I lack discipline and clear purpose right now. More and more my personality is hardening...not in a cold sense but hardening like cementing into what it simply is. A number of time and years had been spent in attempt to mold and change what I was. I thought I could change who I was. I can't...or not really. I revert to the me who has and ever will be me. I hate that the me who is me is awkward. I can't talk to people I really want to get to know, and I cling to people who simply make me feel less awkward. There are certain people I admire...I can never know them, because perhaps I fear them. They trigger my uncertainty of self...and as awkwardly as I express my affection...it doesn't really show.
I'm quiet. I'm introverted. I really don't know how to build friendships and bridges with people that fate doesn't throw into my path--an inescapable pathway.
Will it change ever?
Currently I'm leading a small group of junior high girls and I feel horribly about it. I really don't know how to connect with them...I'm awkward though I shouldn't be. I'm the adult...but why do I feel like the awkward quiet seventh grader. I just never know what to say.
Yesterday I had a friend from Beijing come crash my place along with four other friends. They are wonderful...and I am wonderfully awkward. Not only do I not really know them...but I simply don't know how to contribute to conversation in general. They are wonderful outgoing people...what do I have to say to them? I don't know...because I have no experience in this. I run out of questions...my brain is slow. My mind is always going...but always thinks that none of the streams of thought are conversation appropriate. I'm overly mellow. I'm not very exciting. Actually these friends are still here and I've secluded myself in my room because I found myself awkwardly sitting there with nothing to say.
Er. awkward
the inescapable pathway?
[la musica]
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