I'm buried in my bed under a pink blanket with a winter coat and my laptop. It's new year's eve today. It's the afternoon and I'm still in my bed. ...I really really miss my family. I miss the forced family times where my mom has us go around in a circle sharing one thing we appreciate about each family member. I remember last time when it was my turn to share I cried. I miss that I'm not waking up in my house with my siblings doing something interesting, my mom in the kitchen, and my dad in the basement. I miss how my mom would share about a missionary story or force us to watch a christian documentary and encourage us to strive for more.
I miss feeling forced to put up the Christmas tree by my little sister and my dad video-taping us as we pretend to be elizabeth bennett and mr. collins. I miss trying to buy my little sister things I know she wants because I want to gain her approval. I miss not knowing what to buy for the older sister because she has money to buy whatever she wants--but wanting to do something for her to know that she's loved. I miss hearing my brother playing the guitar and singing and then grabbing my guitar and trying to imitate.
Christmas was a time to remember Christ coming to earth as a gift to the world. So many people "celebrate" it--I wish they would celebrate it knowing and feeling the full depth and significance of what it indicates. This Christmas I went to a lot of gift exchanges, sang carols, missed family, but I don't think I truly bowed humbly to worship and thank Christ.
Yeah...I miss home. I feel lonely, but I know I am blessed.
In light of a new year I figured I should begin formulating resolutions.
hrmm..
1. be more decisive...if this is at all possible
2. be more happy
3. seek god first...in life, in the morning
4. sleep early, rise early
5. stop watching asian dramas to learn chinese and go out and talk to chinese people to learn chinese
6. communicate with people back home
7. be less awkward
8. uh...go running?
9. show love to people
10. write more music and find an outlet to play