beauty.

[thoughts]
It's warm. It's beautiful. I love you, Spring.

Yesterday, I wore a skirt. It was white & flowy and paired with black & white knotted kitten heels.

I find it strange how in one day, I can feel both pretty and repulsive. I have difficulty putting effort into how I look in fear that I won't look pretty despite the effort. What will people think? ...gosh, how pathetic, that girl looks like she tried and she still looks gross...
I used to get ready in the morning, intentionally trying to look like I didn't try to look nice. I wanted to look like my appearance was effortless. The irony is in the fact that I was self-conscious of looking like I was self-conscious.

Who am I looking nice for?--the strange passer-byer?, the boy who ushers at the front door?, the pretty girls that make me feel uncomfortable?, or me and for confidence sake?

Have you ever wondered why certain people are so beautiful, but when you look at a picture of them you realize that they by no means have the beauty as is defined by society? They have a beauty that comes from their smiles. They have a beauty that comes from a joy that they exude. Some people have beauty that comes from mannerisms. Some people have beauty that comes from personality. Some people have beauty that comes from their intellect, talent, or heart.

It's not wrong to desire admiration, love, and confidence.
But I believe that we've placed an over-emphasis on a beauty that is only skin-deep. I think beauty should be pursued wholistically--taking into account all of the things above.