Blessed.

(thoughts)

some things never change.

 I guess it's somewhat true when people say that you can never truly change a person.  I haven't changed much over the past years--my hair, clothes, weight, is pretty much the same. I find myself wearing the same outfit I wore almost 10 years ago. But...seriously, I find that I'm pretty much in the same state as my previous entries written years ago -- my forever-unrelenting status -- striving to be more spiritually disciplined--and having never truly perfected the art.

Konstantin and I have started hosting an introductory course for those who are interested in the Christian faith. This week the topic was, Why Should I Read the Bible. Yikes, I've been a Christian for, what, 20+ years and have I been reading the Bible?...heh...um...Luckily 3 days prior I had just returned from the US and was suffering jet lag and waking up at 5am--and yes I started 2 days worth of Bible reading! score....but really I was just lucky there...and not sure if 2 days is worthy of the label, sustainable habit. And so now I write this entry, in hope of making a goal for myself, in hope that writing here will help me keep accountable to...me...and perhaps to those if any that read this.

My deepest desire has always been to be a servant of God, despite what my lifestyle may appear to be. Sometimes I get lost in the world, the lust of things, the desire to be praise-worthy--that I forget what I really long for.  In my occupation I find myself shmoozing with the brilliant, the wealthy--people who make ridiculous salaries in the financial industry. I meet people who tell me--"Oh? You're from Boston?--I was there for a few years. I went to Harvard."...or MIT..."and you?" --knee kick...
ha...do I really care what they think of me? Actually I do. I want to go get my Masters at a prestigious school so that I can keep my chin up and reply, "Oh yes, I was there too.." haha. But really, deeply, sincerely, my heart is not there. My call is not to be the CFO of a company or an investment professional wearing a business suit. I'm just a humble servant wearing the occasional costume that provides me with the opportunity to live and be in China--to serve the people here, to serve the God I love.

Happy Anniversary to Us

A few days late, but a day for me to remember. December 26, 2012 marks Kostya and I's first year anniversary, a year of marriage, the first stretch. It was a mix of so many things; beautiful shared memories, times of trying, moments of giddiness. Thank you, God. Thank you so much for my husband who takes joy in serving others, in making me happy, in spreading God's love, in so many other good things.

We spent our anniversary evening visiting a young blind girl in the hospital who is being treated for cancer. Kostya wrapped up a giant box in Christmas wrap that contained gifts. We brought a guitar and sang Christmas carols and shared pictures from our visit to her school for blind and deaf where we performed a Christmas program.

Yesterday we took our cleaning lady and her daughter to Ikea as a Christmas gift allowing them to shop for their gifts.

Some people imagine with a sigh, a romantic anniversary with candlelight and wine, but my anniversary was spent in a way I wouldn't change.

Spending this year with my husband has been awesome. We purchased our first apartment, where we host friends, Chinese corner and English corner. We purchased our first car which allowed us to take out our cleaning lady and her daughter. We have travelled together around Russia to Sanya to Hong Kong to Hangzhou. Shared our faith with seekers in our home. Organized our first missi0n trip together. We've done a lot together this past year, and I'm honestly looking forward to the many years to come. God has blessed me with a man who balances me, who encourages me, who inspires me.

Kostya, thank you for your patience, your love, your sweetness, your humor, your energy, your everything.

Happy First Anniversary, дорогой!
Я люблю тебя!!

Trusting in God (I'm Getting Married!)

Some ladies get to my age and they start to worry about their aging and whether they'll find "the One".
I had wrote some time back that I had decided not to worry about marriage--cast it out of my mind and just focus on God's current calling for my life. It is when we place our trust in Him that he prepares the way for us. Throughout my Christian life, time and time again I found that when I placed trust in myself things would go wrong but when I placed trust in Him everything fell into place. He would know exactly what I needed and when I needed it. His wisdom and timing are perfect when we submit to Him.

I decided to trust in God. And he brought me Kostya. I could go on and on about how compatible we are but I'll keep that between him and me so I don't make u sick. ;) But all in all what matters most is our united heart to serve God and to fight for things of eternal value not worldly value.

When he first asked me to marry him 8 months ago; immediately after (15-20 minutes later), a girl, Jen Shang told me. "I had a dream about you. You were getting married, and all I remember was that it was a rush."
I wasn't even thinking about marriage at the time; it had felt like some foreign custom that I had heard of others once doing. I was shocked at the time. I didn't know what to think. I asked Kostya to pretend he hadn't proposed yet-- and to see where our relationship goes first. I didn't want to trust in a dream.

After this I was praying more about marriage. What was god's will for my life? I talked to a married lady from my church about relationships and marriage. She mentioned how she never used to think about praying for marriage while she was single. But a pastor had challenged her to and soon after God had prepared her a husband. She challenged me to pray hard about it.

I prayed hard. I was confused. I didn't feel or hear anything.

Maybe the reason i was in the relationship to begin with wasn't right. I knew Kostya was in it initially because marriage, but I was in it--maybe because of emotions. We didn't know where we were headed.

Kostya and I "broke up".
Then I felt it. I felt the need to be purely satisfied in Christ. I felt the blessing of Christ alone. And I felt for the first time that I was ready for marriage. And I prayed, "God, I see Kostya and I serving together. If it's in your plan, he will propose again and I will say yes."

Our story:

In 2007 I met Kostya. We both came to China as teachers and ran into each other before our school's orientation. We hung out together with some other friends and in bible studies.

(kostya and I in 2007, fresh off the boat in Shanghai)

In 2008 our friendship grew deeper. I remember going to his apartment every other night in the winter of 2008 to use his Internet--and I wanted to procrastinate resubscription of my own internet so I could continue to have an excuse to see him. He would pour me a cup of tea (with jam!) and we would talk. hehehe.

The moments I began to like him more was when I saw him sharing Jsus -- opening his home to random people -- starting groups to teach English to ppl. I was definitely inspired by his hospitality to do likewise in my ministry.

He invited me to help shop for his mother preceding his trip to see his family in Russia. I saw his unselfish love for his family. I remember that night we had talked in Starbucks until they kicked us out to close up shop.

That winter we went to Nanjing together. Train ride, a lot of walking, the wall, boat ride hehehe, did we play phoosball at the hostel?, massacre museum, light saber wars, fun memories.

(us in 2008, 1st trip to Nanjing)

In 2009, I would text Kostya to tell him I'd be leading worship on Sunday and...while worshipping I would look for his face in the crowd.

Then he joined my worship team as the drummer! And we would ride to church together on his electric moped.

Whenever I had music gigs and performances Kostya would support me. That year we played together at a concert at Cloud 9 Shopping Mall and a different charity event. :) When mamatown coffee shop opened, we were playing there regularly.

(winter 2009/2010 nicky, me, kostya at mamatown)

Then Christmas 2010 he came to new york and Boston. Where we had our little drama and resolution. I learned about better communication; I also learned about how to be more aware of how I attend to people. Though, people often only talk about the positives and highlights of going into marriage, I believe it's in the little dramas where you draw closer to each other. You learn more about each other. You learn how to work it out and trust in God to bind you together.

Blessed

I am so blessed.
This reminds me of an entry I wrote a few years back during thanksgiving where I was missing my family and the festivities surrounding the holidays. Then i was reminded of what i do have. Again, I know that I can't complain about anything in life because I know I have so much. God has given me more than I can ask for.

Recently I've been feeling extremely blessed. Why? I'm just really happy. I've been so happy.
Depending on perspective, I know I might not have a high-paying job but I feel like I make so much--I enjoy the luxury of food whenever I feel hunger, I have an apartment with heat, electricity and water, I have a phone, laptop and much more. And to top it all off, I have life--life is exciting; sometimes its hard, sometimes it's exhilarating, and sometimes it's frustrating -- but we have it and through it we learn, experience, sense, so many things.

Thank you, God, for life

So Cool

Rather slow on my side, but I've finally discovered how to avoid using a ghetto proxy server to post entries. A million thanks to my good friend and biggest blog fan for the suggestion!

Now to test out my picture posting functionality:


This week I attended a TV sponsored event where CNBC awarded various business leaders in China. I saw executives from the likes of Ajisen's CEO, Spring Airline's CEO, and others that I don't clearly recall. It was a flashy event at a five star hotel with a decent buffet-style dinner. 

I could end here but I don't like to post entries that aren't meaningful and without some sort of inspiration. So, I guess if anything that I got from the event other than a full stomach was some inspiration from the one woman awardee, given the largest achievement of business leader of the year award. She mentioned being stubborn, but her example wasn't that of stubbornness, it was strength of character and ethics. With her good business sense she was firm enough to refuse business from companies offering generous kickbacks (aka bribes), when others were pleading with her to do otherwise. I commend her. 

Sent from my iPhone

spiritual disciplines.

One of my favorite youth kids called me today. She shared with me about how she's been doing spiritually and things that she's learned recently. Then she asked me how I was doing.

I fumbled around talking to find something to say. I've been okay. I've been a mess. I've been really happy. A mix of things this summer. I told her it was okay, and that God was teaching me to trust/rely on him and to be thankful. I also told her that I've realized that I need to work harder on spiritual disciplines. Pastr Jason had said on Sunday, that the most effective teachers were the ones that lived by example--why should they listen to you if you don't live the way you tell others to live. I felt convicted but then forgot about it. But as I was talking on the phone, it was brought back to the forefront of my mind. I have really wanted to tell my small group girls--you must be spiritually disciplined, you must make it a priority, you must read and spend time in Gd's word--but how can I tell them, when I'm so bad at it myself. I told her. I know I can do it. I know I can. I really need to make it a priority. I've been so selfish. I put spiritual disciplines in the back burner. But I know I can do it. I've done it before.

I was in maybe junior high when Pstor Dan preached about daily devotions. You can't expect to grow in Him and know Him if you don't spend time with Him. That year, everyday, I passionately sought Gd's word each morning, sometimes twice a day, to pray and read Hs word. He spoke to me. It was clear to me. Sometimes I wish I could rewind and go back. Since now is now, I hope to pursue what I had before, and more. Gd, draw me closer to you.